After a long period of not dating, due mostly to bad timing and my own choice, I've decided to put myself "out there" again. The problem is, I don't want to think about it too hard.
I don't want a serious relationship. I want to date someone. I want someone to hang out with, to fool around with, hell.. eventually, to fuck. But not right away. At the same time, I want to be exclusive with this person. On the other hand, I don't want to totally rule out a serious relationship if the person ends up being awesome...
I maybe want too much... or not enough.
I'm not looking for anything serious, but I don't want to rule anything out just in case I meet someone really cool. If I meet anyone at all.
I'm not big on personal ads, and I'm not big on asking friends to set me up with their friends. I don't know how to meet people in the real world. Gone are the days when I can leave my dorm room door open, and cute guys will walk by and invite me to Perkins. I'm not comfortable with bars... bars are for getting laid, not a boyfriend.
That's definitely what I want right now, just a boyfriend. And not a serious one. I want someone I can trust, more like a friend with benefits, but less casual.
I know exactly what I want.
This is like finding a well-fitting women's button-up white shirt. You see a lot of other people with them, they look really cute and classy, but when ever I go out looking for one, I can't find one that fits right and is in my price range!
I guess, I'm out there, but I'm not trying hard...
and there is Cute Caribou Boy... maybe this week I'll figure out his name.
3/02/2008
2/11/2008
Love and Holidays
With Christmas and New Year's behind us, and Valentine's Day fast approaching, it makes me wonder about relationships. Relationships and Facebook, to be precise. After the holidays, I notices an onslaught of break-ups. Because, of course, it's rude to break up with someone before Christmas, and if you've waited this long, you might as well wait until after New Years... why spoil a holiday. But then things must end before Valentine's Day... otherwise you'll have to wait until after then, too.
So far, I haven't witnessed a ton of new relationships popping up on Facebook... but maybe after Valentine's Day... you know, there's a little dating before the holiday, but VD makes it official... I guess we'll see.
Dating is such a funny thing. I'm glad I'm a spectator for now, and no long a participant.
So far, I haven't witnessed a ton of new relationships popping up on Facebook... but maybe after Valentine's Day... you know, there's a little dating before the holiday, but VD makes it official... I guess we'll see.
Dating is such a funny thing. I'm glad I'm a spectator for now, and no long a participant.
1/01/2008
Welcome, 2008
Jan. 1, 2008
A new year. I'm very excited. I'm finally getting my shit together. Things are going my way. I've got my own apartment, my grades weren't that great last semester, but they weren't that bad, either. While a B- isn't great, it'll only take a B+ to get my average back to a B. And I plan on putting a lot more effort into my studies this semester. I'm taking this semester much more seriously. I've got a lot of shit out of the way, I've got my own apartment, I'm not worried about looking for a new one, or moving. I've got a plan for getting control over my debt... at least the credit card part. The student loan part comes after graduation. I really hope I graduate. I really do want my master's degree. But right now I really just have school and work on my plate. And because I have my own apartment I don't have to worry about other people's schedules conflicting with my own. My apartment can turn into an office, or a spa, or what ever, but it's what ever I want it to be.
I'm definitely seeing 2008 as an improvement compared to 2007. Not that 2007 didn't have it's moments, but overall, it kind of sucked.
2007 started for me with a trip to Florida... it was my first time flying. I went to visit a really good friend, and we started dating shortly after I returned to Minnesota, with him in Florida and me in Minnesota. Needless to stay, I spent a lot of time on the phone during the six months we dated. That relationship ended in July, and I was worried about losing one of my best friends, but, we've worked our shit out, and are good friends again.
By the time 2007 came around, my relationship with my former roommates was tense at best. Someone who had once been one of my best friends became foreign to me, she wasn't the person I knew year's ago... she was her boyfriend's girlfriend, and it got worse when he proposed. That was really hard on me, but I also have no problem cutting people out of my life who are toxic to me. My old roommates caused me a lot of stress, which was toxic.
In April of 20087 I was officially accepted into the Graduate Journalism program at Columbia College Chicago. My plans to move to Chicago officially began.
I graduated from BSU in May of 2007. As awesome as that was, it also sucked to say goodbye to some of my friends.
Also in May of 2007, my grandmother, my only remaining grandparent, was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was really scarey dealing with that, and I even reconsidered my move to Chicago.
By the end of May, I moved to the house right across the alley, my stress level dropped dramatically. Proving that my best roommates are people from Wisconsin. This summer was great, accept for the part where I broke up with boyfriend, right before I moved to Chicago. Other than that... it was a nice last summer in Bemidji.
I opted for on-campus housing because I couldn't afford a trip down to Chicago to go apartment hunting. The idea of sharing a two-bedroom, one-bath with three other girls didn't sound that bad. The bedrooms were tiny, and four girls generate a lot of loose hair in the bathroom.
When I first moved to Chicago, I stayed at a hostel, because residence life wouldn't let me move in early for free, and I needed to take a class. At this point, I was seriously considering dropping out of the program. I hated staying at the hostel. Never again for that long. Ten fucking days... no way.
But once I got into my apartment, it got better. Until my alcohol violation, which is when I decided I needed to get off campus.
I found an apartment in the beginning of November, and moved right before I came up to Minnesota to finish out the year in Bemidji.
All that stress at the end of the semester didn't do well for my grades. I'm sure that next semester will be better.
So far, 2008 has been great. I think I started the new year off right, I hope.
A new year. I'm very excited. I'm finally getting my shit together. Things are going my way. I've got my own apartment, my grades weren't that great last semester, but they weren't that bad, either. While a B- isn't great, it'll only take a B+ to get my average back to a B. And I plan on putting a lot more effort into my studies this semester. I'm taking this semester much more seriously. I've got a lot of shit out of the way, I've got my own apartment, I'm not worried about looking for a new one, or moving. I've got a plan for getting control over my debt... at least the credit card part. The student loan part comes after graduation. I really hope I graduate. I really do want my master's degree. But right now I really just have school and work on my plate. And because I have my own apartment I don't have to worry about other people's schedules conflicting with my own. My apartment can turn into an office, or a spa, or what ever, but it's what ever I want it to be.
I'm definitely seeing 2008 as an improvement compared to 2007. Not that 2007 didn't have it's moments, but overall, it kind of sucked.
2007 started for me with a trip to Florida... it was my first time flying. I went to visit a really good friend, and we started dating shortly after I returned to Minnesota, with him in Florida and me in Minnesota. Needless to stay, I spent a lot of time on the phone during the six months we dated. That relationship ended in July, and I was worried about losing one of my best friends, but, we've worked our shit out, and are good friends again.
By the time 2007 came around, my relationship with my former roommates was tense at best. Someone who had once been one of my best friends became foreign to me, she wasn't the person I knew year's ago... she was her boyfriend's girlfriend, and it got worse when he proposed. That was really hard on me, but I also have no problem cutting people out of my life who are toxic to me. My old roommates caused me a lot of stress, which was toxic.
In April of 20087 I was officially accepted into the Graduate Journalism program at Columbia College Chicago. My plans to move to Chicago officially began.
I graduated from BSU in May of 2007. As awesome as that was, it also sucked to say goodbye to some of my friends.
Also in May of 2007, my grandmother, my only remaining grandparent, was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was really scarey dealing with that, and I even reconsidered my move to Chicago.
By the end of May, I moved to the house right across the alley, my stress level dropped dramatically. Proving that my best roommates are people from Wisconsin. This summer was great, accept for the part where I broke up with boyfriend, right before I moved to Chicago. Other than that... it was a nice last summer in Bemidji.
I opted for on-campus housing because I couldn't afford a trip down to Chicago to go apartment hunting. The idea of sharing a two-bedroom, one-bath with three other girls didn't sound that bad. The bedrooms were tiny, and four girls generate a lot of loose hair in the bathroom.
When I first moved to Chicago, I stayed at a hostel, because residence life wouldn't let me move in early for free, and I needed to take a class. At this point, I was seriously considering dropping out of the program. I hated staying at the hostel. Never again for that long. Ten fucking days... no way.
But once I got into my apartment, it got better. Until my alcohol violation, which is when I decided I needed to get off campus.
I found an apartment in the beginning of November, and moved right before I came up to Minnesota to finish out the year in Bemidji.
All that stress at the end of the semester didn't do well for my grades. I'm sure that next semester will be better.
So far, 2008 has been great. I think I started the new year off right, I hope.
11/12/2007
Of Sex and Love
There once was a time, in what seems was so very long ago, that I believe that sex could not be with out love. That it wasn't right to have sex with someone you didn't love. I was so naive back then!
Love, in it's true form, is a very powerful force. Love can blur our clear thinking, fogging up our logic, and cause us to make bad decisions, often involving sex.
People often claim raging hormones are the cause for teen sex, but in my experience, it's been puppy-love. "I think I love him... should we make love?"
"Make love," such a joke! Just FUCK... have sex, bone, do "it"... but don't make love. It's too dangerous. Fucking is just raw bodies... it's pure. Love screws it up... it brings emotion into the equation. You can't think about protection and yourself as clearly when you make love, when you're in love.
I know I'm starting to sound like a whore, but hear me out. People don't make bad life decisions because they had sex, they make bad life decisions because they were in love, because they made love, because they want to be with so-and-so.
When you can separate sex and love, things become so much easier. You don't have another person to factor into your life, it's just you.
I'm not advocating sleeping around. I believe in the fuck-buddy. A good friend that you're attracted to,you trust enough to have sex with you, but that you have no interest in a relationship with, nor have you had a previous romantic relationship, unless, of course, it was thoroughly worked through that a romantic relationship was completely out of the question.
Everyone has a friend (or two or three) that there is an undeniable physical attraction to, but for several other factors, a romantic relationship just wouldn't work.
Talk to that person, be honest. Tell them "I want to fuck you, but that's it. I trust you, you're my friend, and I really want to fuck you... no relationship... just sex."
That's a type of safe sex that no one ever talks about... sex where your heart is safe. No one ever talks about the emotional damage that can be done by love and sex.
Fuck buddies... UNITE!
Love, in it's true form, is a very powerful force. Love can blur our clear thinking, fogging up our logic, and cause us to make bad decisions, often involving sex.
People often claim raging hormones are the cause for teen sex, but in my experience, it's been puppy-love. "I think I love him... should we make love?"
"Make love," such a joke! Just FUCK... have sex, bone, do "it"... but don't make love. It's too dangerous. Fucking is just raw bodies... it's pure. Love screws it up... it brings emotion into the equation. You can't think about protection and yourself as clearly when you make love, when you're in love.
I know I'm starting to sound like a whore, but hear me out. People don't make bad life decisions because they had sex, they make bad life decisions because they were in love, because they made love, because they want to be with so-and-so.
When you can separate sex and love, things become so much easier. You don't have another person to factor into your life, it's just you.
I'm not advocating sleeping around. I believe in the fuck-buddy. A good friend that you're attracted to,you trust enough to have sex with you, but that you have no interest in a relationship with, nor have you had a previous romantic relationship, unless, of course, it was thoroughly worked through that a romantic relationship was completely out of the question.
Everyone has a friend (or two or three) that there is an undeniable physical attraction to, but for several other factors, a romantic relationship just wouldn't work.
Talk to that person, be honest. Tell them "I want to fuck you, but that's it. I trust you, you're my friend, and I really want to fuck you... no relationship... just sex."
That's a type of safe sex that no one ever talks about... sex where your heart is safe. No one ever talks about the emotional damage that can be done by love and sex.
Fuck buddies... UNITE!
9/30/2007
Naked
Since when does naked = sex? Why is a nude automatically porn?
Check this out.
This kid could have to register as a sex offender... just for being naked because under-aged people were in the audience.
We really need to re-evaluate our definition of sex, and sex offenders, naked is naked.
Our sex offender laws are there for a reason, not to stop people from pulling silly pranks. In Illinois, if you're charged with public urination, you have to register as a sex offender. Last I checked, if you're peeing in public, it's probably not because you're getting off, it's probably because you really have to pee (and most likely drunk) and can't find a public rest room. If you're doing it to get off, there's probably more going on than public urination.
Let's save the sex offender tag for true sex offenders, before it becomes less serious.
Check this out.
This kid could have to register as a sex offender... just for being naked because under-aged people were in the audience.
We really need to re-evaluate our definition of sex, and sex offenders, naked is naked.
Our sex offender laws are there for a reason, not to stop people from pulling silly pranks. In Illinois, if you're charged with public urination, you have to register as a sex offender. Last I checked, if you're peeing in public, it's probably not because you're getting off, it's probably because you really have to pee (and most likely drunk) and can't find a public rest room. If you're doing it to get off, there's probably more going on than public urination.
Let's save the sex offender tag for true sex offenders, before it becomes less serious.
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