Co-Habitation

I've been thinking about co-habitation a lot lately, and how I'm against it. For me, it doesn't have anything to do with morals or religion. In fact, I don't see anything wrong with it. I don't like it becuase too many people my age (or younger!) are loosing their sense of self. We talk about how much our society has advanced, and how women can be themselves, but I see so many girls my age aligning themselves with the first or second thing they date out of high school, and settling down in a cheap apartment near campus, thinking they're now grown up because they have what their parents, or older siblings, or cousins or what ever have. But I think it stops growth.

The women's movement was about advancement, about freeing ourselves from men, in a sense. Not completely, but women could be successful with or with out men. I like the idea that we can have a man if we want, but we don't need one. Marriage isn't something a woman needs to be considered a success. The sad thing is, I don't always get that feeling from the people I'm surrounded by. Marriage, a relationship, men, seem to be the be-all end all. If you don't have one, you're nothing.

This is where co-habitaiton comes in. It's become too easy for a couple to live together before marriage. Like I said, I see nothing wrong with this morally, but people are jumping to loose their independence so soon. I don't think people realize how big of a commitment living together is. There are finances to worry about, who does the cleaning, where food is coming from. Not only do you have a roommate, you have a life mate. People don't like to think about the non-romantic aspects of relationships.

I think living together has something to do with fake morals. If you're commited enough to live together, you're not just sleeping with someone, you're not a whore. But you are. You're giving someone your independence for slightly more legitamate sex.

I think the golden age of single-dom and relationships was the 70's and 80's, and maybe the early 90's. It was after the sexual revolution, in the midst of women's rights. A woman could live on her own, have a career, sleep with men and not be fully commited with out being harsly judged by society. There was easy access to birth control, babies only came about if you wanted (at least for smart women). You could find love if you wanted.

The new millenium has brought us a "moral" revolution. Partly because of 9/11, partly the republican political influence, America is getting more "moral." It's not like the 50's, but it's an attack on the left. "Liberal" has become a bad word, not just a nice way to say "too much mayo" (you know, a liberal amount) Commitment became a necessity again, but a new millenium commitment. Living together is this way to prove you're grown up with out a major commitment, you're not getting married, (no legal documents), you're not getting your own place (rent, utilities, cable, internet, phone... all on your own? no way!), you're not starting a great career (why, you're living with someone, let's have kids instead... then we can get on welfare and food stamps!) It's like the easy way to tell people you're "grown up," but, therefore, by taking the easy way out, you're not grown up.

There's nothing wrong with living together, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. But I think that everyone should live completely on their own (no parental assistance... maybe roommates, depending on where you're living) for at least one year before living with someone in a romantic relationship. One year, to yourself, to learn what you're like.