Love and Marriage

Love and marriage. All you need it love. The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. From birth we’re bombarded with images of happy couples, and how love is this great thing that we can only hope to achieve. I’m a senior at a small midwestern college, and have witnessed friends and classmates get engaged, married, and even have children. Me? I’m going to grad school. Moving to the big city. I’ve learned that nothing good comes from love, at least not anything good for me.

These couples that get married right out of high school or right out of college, do they really believe that they’ve found “the one” or are they scared that nothing better will come along? Are you head over heals, can’t live with out you in love, or do you want to get married, do you want to have that wedding? Do you realize that you’re agreeing to spend the rest of your life with this person? You don’t just get the ring and the dress, you get the good and the bad of that person, too.

Am I less of a person because I refuse to settle? I want the world, I want someone to give it to me. I want Tiffany. I want a giant house. I want several occasions to wear a formal gown. I want the life I didn’t have growing up. I know I can do it myself, why should I wait on someone else to do it for me?

I would like to think that I’ll be revered for my choices. The more and more I learn about wedding planning (the money, the arrangements, the people) the less I want a wedding. Not that I don’t wish to get married, I would love to find that special person and spend the rest of my life with them. I just don’t want a wedding. I don’t want all the hoopla.

I don’t think the beginning of a marriage is something to celebrate. Ten years, fifteen, twenty… those are reasons to celebrate. Anyone can put on a big white dress and walk down and aisle and promise someone something. It’s following through with that promise that should be celebrated.

I don’t want a wedding, I want a marriage. I don’t want a lover, I want a great love. I’ve made it this far without settling. I think I can make it several more years at this point.

Co-Habitation

I've been thinking about co-habitation a lot lately, and how I'm against it. For me, it doesn't have anything to do with morals or religion. In fact, I don't see anything wrong with it. I don't like it becuase too many people my age (or younger!) are loosing their sense of self. We talk about how much our society has advanced, and how women can be themselves, but I see so many girls my age aligning themselves with the first or second thing they date out of high school, and settling down in a cheap apartment near campus, thinking they're now grown up because they have what their parents, or older siblings, or cousins or what ever have. But I think it stops growth.

The women's movement was about advancement, about freeing ourselves from men, in a sense. Not completely, but women could be successful with or with out men. I like the idea that we can have a man if we want, but we don't need one. Marriage isn't something a woman needs to be considered a success. The sad thing is, I don't always get that feeling from the people I'm surrounded by. Marriage, a relationship, men, seem to be the be-all end all. If you don't have one, you're nothing.

This is where co-habitaiton comes in. It's become too easy for a couple to live together before marriage. Like I said, I see nothing wrong with this morally, but people are jumping to loose their independence so soon. I don't think people realize how big of a commitment living together is. There are finances to worry about, who does the cleaning, where food is coming from. Not only do you have a roommate, you have a life mate. People don't like to think about the non-romantic aspects of relationships.

I think living together has something to do with fake morals. If you're commited enough to live together, you're not just sleeping with someone, you're not a whore. But you are. You're giving someone your independence for slightly more legitamate sex.

I think the golden age of single-dom and relationships was the 70's and 80's, and maybe the early 90's. It was after the sexual revolution, in the midst of women's rights. A woman could live on her own, have a career, sleep with men and not be fully commited with out being harsly judged by society. There was easy access to birth control, babies only came about if you wanted (at least for smart women). You could find love if you wanted.

The new millenium has brought us a "moral" revolution. Partly because of 9/11, partly the republican political influence, America is getting more "moral." It's not like the 50's, but it's an attack on the left. "Liberal" has become a bad word, not just a nice way to say "too much mayo" (you know, a liberal amount) Commitment became a necessity again, but a new millenium commitment. Living together is this way to prove you're grown up with out a major commitment, you're not getting married, (no legal documents), you're not getting your own place (rent, utilities, cable, internet, phone... all on your own? no way!), you're not starting a great career (why, you're living with someone, let's have kids instead... then we can get on welfare and food stamps!) It's like the easy way to tell people you're "grown up," but, therefore, by taking the easy way out, you're not grown up.

There's nothing wrong with living together, as long as you're doing it for the right reasons. But I think that everyone should live completely on their own (no parental assistance... maybe roommates, depending on where you're living) for at least one year before living with someone in a romantic relationship. One year, to yourself, to learn what you're like.

The End, or the Beginning?

Two weeks ago, I graduated from college. It's strange. College is this thing that we're reaching for from the moment we enter kindergarten, we're told to do good in school so we can go to college and get a good job. I'm done with college. I chose to further my education rather than get a job. Honestly, it's because I don't feel ready to enter the workforce, and I want to be better. I just want to be better than everyone else. My old roommate is engaged, she's getting married and should be graduating at about the same time next spring. I chose to take an extra year because her fiance would have finnished school then, too. Instead, he dropped out of the 4-year school, started at the 2-year school, and dropped out somewhere in the middle of his first semester. She'll be finnishing her bachelor's at 23, I'll be finnishing my master's at 23.

I don't want to get married and have kids. I might want to get married, I'm not sure. Maybe I want to be one of those people who find a mate and live with them without ever making it legal. I'd rather be in love than have a peice of paper. If I do ever get married, it'll be in Vegas, at the Little White Chapel or such. It's just a peice of paper, might as well have fun getting it. Why stress yourself out planning a big party to feed nasty people expensive food? The only reason I'd want a wedding is to get all the awesome kitchen stuff people give you. But half of that's crap, too. Maybe I sound greedy.

I don't have any problems with marriage, it's weddings I don't like. I don't like what they've become. I'd rather have that Vegas wedding, and have a big party when I've been hitched for a consecutive 10 years.

I've been watching and reading Sex and the City a lot lately, it makes me think I'm too young to even thinking about marriage. Why are there people my age getting married? What's the point? Why should we commit ourselve to one person so young? On that note, I'm with a wonderful guy and the idea of ending it devistates me. The idea that I'm too young to have met the person I'm meant to be with means that I can't be with him. Grrrr...

Maybe I'm just too young to be done with school. Maybe that's why I'm going to grad school, to age a bit more. All I know is that I'm not ready to work, at least not in the industry I want. I'm scared, about a lot of things. But I also know that everything will fall into place as well.

Packing

Packing is so sad. Right now I'm working on packing up stuff to leave at my parents for a while... like, a couple of years. I think I'm going to miss my cocktail set the most. I used a couple of issues of the New York Times to pack it all in, I'm worried my brothers might decide to smash it, just 'cause. They're like that sometimes. Yeah, anyway... back to work!

My roommates bought a deep-fat fryer

I live with three other people: K, N and J... N and J are guys, K is a girl. When we moved in N and K were dating... now they're engaged, and plan on getting married next spring. Since moving in, N and K have gained weight. They eat a lot of processed, frozen food. Over spring break, they purchased a deep-fat fryer to cook their processed, frozen food.

A deep-fat fryer.

America is in the midst of an obesity epidemic, and they bought a deep-fat fryer.

I'm freaking out about the 10 extra pounds and how I have no time to exercise, and they bought a deep-fat fryer.

Buying a deep-fat fryer these days is like starting to smoke. We now know the dangers and a lot of people are trying to quit. I should buy the a pack of cigarettes, just to prove my point.

I don't care that they're not super-models. But they're not healthy.

It's like having sex with a bunch of people with out condoms, or any type of birth-control, for that matter.

Not to mention it stinks up the house when they use it.

I'm debating whether I should ask them not to use it so much. I view that type of activity the same way I view smoking. It's stupid, it stinks, and it hurts your health, and I don't like to be around it.

= YUCK!